To be posted in Facebook Notes - November 29, 2014

At 10:25 this morning Mom finished this leg of her journey.

She lived through the night . . . we had started to proceed with things as they were . . . we did not try to get to the Hospice as early as we could. She waited until we were not around making a fuss. Perhaps until Mom knew we were going to continue as normal. Then as unobtrusively as possible, she slipped away from this earthly life.

As far as we could tell, she rested comfortably during those last two weeks. But now she does not have to worry about someone getting her up out of bed. She does not have to worry about someone feeding her. She does not have to struggle with taking a breath.

My niece was the only family member present when she took her last breath. LaKisha said that she just simply drifted away and began an eternal rest - no longer dealing with bodily functions. She described her face as glowing like a beautiful bride as she comes down the aisle.

When we arrived about half an hour later we had simulataneous feelings of sorrow and relief.

My sister Robin, her husband, and her son finished the task of choosing pictures for the slide show that will be the Mom's mini-biopic at the service. Then I went home and wrote yesterday's update for Week 2, not really knowing what to expect but allowing ourselves to be at peace if Mom chose to leave when we were not there to witness it.

From Facebook Notes - Nov 28, 2014

Thanks to all who have been praying and sending their positive energy to our family.

Mom has been in Hospice for over a week now. Her breathing has been getting much more shallow, but she is holding on. When her breathing became very shallow on the morning of her eighty-seventh birthday, Wednesday, the nurse felt like the family should come because she surmised by the looks of things that Mom only had a few hours. But Mom, fighter that she is, held on until the end of the day and even all day Thanksgiving while we celebrated at my nephew and niece's house. Even today she is breathing steadily, though shallowly.

There were many family visitors and a few others on Wednesday. The music therapist came in and we had a little hymn-sing of Mom's favorites. The nurses decorated the door with ribbons and balloons. It was a nice way to celebrate Mom's life. During the day, my nephew noted how many of his favorite authors lived to be eighty-seven years old. And even Abraham Lincoln noted a famous event "four score and seven years ago." Our famous event that long ago was our Mom's being born to Ruby and John Clemons!

Now as the mundane tasks of everyday life, we must make decisions on whether to stay or get things done that have been neglected for a couple of weeks. So I finally got my hair cut this morning before I made my way to the Hospice. I got here and Mom was struggling a little to breathe. It is amazing that she is still breathing, since the nurses that have been caring for her the last few days have said one of her lungs has shut down.

We don't know what purpose God or Mom have in mind for her not letting go yet, but she is still with us for a while.

I recall about twenty years ago when she had a bout with cancer, she called me in Texas, where I lived at the time. She was so very calm. I was the basket case whose fears needed to be assuaged. She let me know that she would have the treatments and that she would be fine. That turned out to be the case. So what did I know? And now, although, not conscious, she seems to be surviving again. I am more peaceful about this than the cancer . . . perhaps because she was so calm about it back then and she had twenty more years.

From Facebook Notes - Nov 22, 2014

Several have come in the last two days to visit Mom and to be with the family . . . the pastor of Robin's church [Crown Pointe Church] came on Thursday, the pastor of my church [Broadway Church] came on Friday morning, and the chaplain of the Hospice came Friday afternoon. We are grateful for the love that has been shown to us and for our faith that was passed down to us from Mom.

She continued to rest peacefully throughout the day. In the evening, she became a little bit agitated. Just as we decided it was time to get a bite of supper at the cafeteria, Mom grimaced and moaned just a little. The nurse gave her a little bit of morphine to ease the pain and she became restful again.

After we ate, we came back and continued making plans for the memorial service that we had been planning throughout the day. We decided whom we needed to contact. We looked through pictures. We read and gathered poems that Mom had written.

The angst of just doing the things that need to be done helps to pass the time. The emotions are flooding. You make phone call after phone call to be sure family members get to the right place at the right time. You become frustrated because someone did not answer the e-mail you sent. You hurry to do things for which there is plenty of time. And you find that you forgot to do some things already be done. At the end of each day, based on the best recommendations of the wonderful hospice staff who have experience, but who also know that sometimes their experience fails them, whether it is one more night that you can sleep at home or if someone should spend the night.

The time unfolds, as I said before, in such an unnatural manner. About a year ago, I recall Mom saying, "The years are just zipping by . . . but sometimes the days last forever." And that really sums up the last five days.

We did go home Friday night. And Susie's son and daughter re-arranged plans so they will be here on Saturday rather than right before Thanksgiving. They will be here from California and Texas and if everything goes the way we would like for it to go, all the grands and great grands will be able to say goodbye to Grandma.

Mom several times has gathered enough strength in the last few days to let out a huge yawn. Robin said once, "She's just saying this is boring. I just want to go see Jesus."

Mom's eighty-seventh birthday will be the day before Thanksgiving. As we reflect, plan, and sometimes just sit, we can know that those were eighty-seven years lived well.

From Facebook Notes - Nov 19, 2014

Mom started the day at at St. Mary's Hospital and moved to St. Luke's Hospice at about 2:00 PM. Susie, Robin, Bruce (Robin's husband) and I got some lunch (we didn't follow the ambulance) and afterward went to check out the Hospice House.

The fluids and antibiotics that were being pumped into her body during her treatment at the hospital had causeda lot of swelling/edema. So with the discontinuation of any treatment (other than a little bit of oxygen) she should be more comforatable.

We got there and she seemed more peaceful than when she was at the hospital. The surroundings at the Hospice are beautiful, we know that this alleviates a lot of stress for family members; we all feel that Mom is probably less stressed even though she can't tell us.

We decided not to spend the night since Mom was resting peacefully. Soon enough one or more family members will be spending the night.

If you would like more information or would like to visit, send me a private message or call Robin, Susie, or me. 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

From Facebook Notes - Nov 18, 2014

During the night they transferred Mom from the ICU to a regular patient room. My sister Susie arrived from Los Angeles at 1 AM. My sister Robin, Susie, and I all got to the hospital at about 10:00 this morning. We knew the room number and were distressed to find an empty room. As it turns out, they had taken Mom to have a brain scan.

We again spoke with the palliative care nurse about options. She had not become responsive overnight. She still had the infections. And she was still on an IV with dextrose and antibiotics. 

So today her blood sugars have stayed at 180 or above. She continues to have a fever. But we have noticed swelling and fluid retention. The cardiologist came in and her heart function and respiratory function is pretty much normal. But she is still unconscious. While she has not been a complainer, I do recall mentioning to her that someone had just lived to be 100. And Mom retorted that she hoped she didn't live to be that old. And when she was unable to come with the right words in the last few months, I could read the definite frustration on her face. She had signed the "Do Not Resuscitate" order. So collectively, between my sister and me, we felt very secure in our decision to find out more about Hospice after we spoke to the hospitalist this afternoon. The hospital social worker contacted the Hospice people for us and they sent someone to talk to us at 5:30 this afternoon.

She will move to the brand new St. Luke's Hospice that is on Southwest Trafficway, just about a block from the site where Robin and I spent our high school years . . . right across the street from the elementary school that we attended. Susie, I believe, also went to her first years of elementary school there as well. (That elementary school building still stands, but it is no longer a school.) Of course no one can predict when or if Mom will pass, but they will keep her as comfortable and pain free as possible. The antibiotics will be diminished and the IV feeding will stop. Her body will take over and either recover on its own or more likely gradually come to a halt. The doctors and nurses at Hospice will manage any pain. If her body should not continue its decline, we will have to return her to a nursing home. However, the best guess of the doctor and the Hospice nurse was that she could slowly decline for a couple of weeks. 

She will be in very nice surroundings. We can play music in her room that she has enjoyed during the rest of her life. The family can gather around her in a home-like atmosphere. Meals can be taken at the Hospice Home, going in and out at will or even staying all night as we see that her last day is approaching quickly. 

While since yesterday at about noon, she has not opened her eyes or communicated with us, she seems to be resting comfortably. Moving her to the St. Luke's Hospice is a continuation of that comfortable rest. It is only about five minutes from us rather than the 20 minute drive to Blue Springs. Susie's children and grandchildren will likely be able to get here to say goodbye when they come up for Thanksgiving. All the children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren can come together in a comfortable setting to reminisce, support, and love. So it will help us to take care of ourselves as we go through the stress of the situation.

So we are at peace with this as well.

From Facebook Notes - Nov 17, 2014

This has been an incredibly long day! (And an even longer one for my sister Robin.)

Robin apparently called me at 2:30 this morning to let me know that she was on the way to the ER because the nursing home had sent mom there. Unfortunately, I didn't hear the phone. Then she called again at 7:30 this morning, but I didn't hear the phone; I was awake. So I didn't see any of the messages until 9:00 when I saw an e-mail entitled "Mom" in my inbox. Just seeing that word in the subject-box made me know that I needed to sit down before I read it.

So . . . what happened was Robin found out that Mom had pneumonia. The upper chambers of her heart were quivering. Not sure why she threw up, but she did and then aspirated. Eventually, she found out that Mom also had a urinary tract infection. And her blood sugar was very low. This is why she is on antibiotics and glucose in an IV.

I got to the hospital about 10:00 or so (thanks to my lovely niece, Audrey) and was there until about 6:15 this evening. During the morning, Mom opened her eyes a few times, but was never really conscious. She seemed to be resting in comfort. Vital signs were basically good. Good blood pressure. Heart rate was a little unsteady, but not really erratic. They were also checking her blood sugar fairly regularly. Even with the glucose IV, it dipped down below 40. So they gave her an injection of glucose to raise her blood sugar level . . . it didrise to normal level. They doubled the amount of glucose in the IV. Just before we left this evening, they checked her blood sugar again and it was 36. Again,they gave her a sugar boost injection.

I don't know what they will do about that.

Mom does not have a history of heart disease. Mom does not have a history of diabetes.

So we called my other sister Susie in California and toldher what was going on. We also asked the staff if we should tell her to fly in early rather than wait until next Wednesday as she originally planned for Thanksgiving. Susie decided to fly in when she gets off work today and will be in town at 11:30 tonight.

So far Mom's body is using all the fluids that she is receiving via IV. We have been warned that if the fluids are just causing swelling rather than being used by her body, they will let us know. Mom is a DNR person, so for now, we are continuing the treatment. We consulted the palliative care nurse and came to the conclusion that at least until Susie gets here and we can talk as siblings we will continue to have them treat her (so long as she is comfortable.)

After speaking to the hospitalist, the cardiologist, and the palliative care nurse, our decision is to leave things status quo at least until tomorrow when we can see how the antibiotics are working and whether she becomes conscious again. Or possibly the next day. If she does not become conscious again, we will have to re-evaluate what steps should be taken. It is possible that we will stop the antibiotics and the sugar and let nature take its course. It's a quality of life decision.

The last couple of months of visits to Mom in the nursing home have softened the blow for me. I am quite grateful that she always had a smile for us when we visited. She didn't talk much. But whenever Robin asked if she was hurting, Mom would say no. She didn't talk much, in fact she wasn't really able to stay awake during the last couple of visits, but she was never a complainer. On our last visit, Robin brought her a chocolate milk shake, she couldn't hold the cup but she got every last drop through the straw as Robin held the cup . . . with relish. It was good to see her enjoying something like that.